How to deal with perceived threat
I shared this video of a bird attacking itself in the mirror and spoke about how he was perceiving non existent threat, and it made me think how many business owners do this too. Here are 4 quick top tips to help you deal with the threats that aren’t even there that attack your mind and stop you from achieving more, because this is important to remember, if you don’t deal with these threats, even the non existent ones they will hang out in your subconscious, and that enables damage to the quality of the actions you take, your thoughts, your beliefs and your results. Ready to deal with them?
- Is it a real threat? So often what we think is an issue when analysed we can see that it is being blown out of proportion in our heads and is in actual fact a rather silly thing to fear. But hey I wrote a whole book about fear, don’t dismiss fear. Fear will attack your success every chance it gets. So first things first does this threat really exist? Or is it something you think could happen? What are the reasons that you think this could happen? (It is often a light bulb moment for a client when I suggest that they have decided on the outcome and it’s never a good outcome, and who says that this is the outcome you will get? Who say’s that this is fact and it’s already happened?)
- Why does it feel real? If you can’t help but feel like this is a real threat. Ask yourself what the reasons why could be? Let the threat feel like it’s happening right now, what do you notice? Do you feel like you are lacking in a skill set or a mindset? By understanding your perception of the threat you are able to break it down into small parts and tackle it.
- What proof do you have that you can get through this? If you know it’s not a real threat, or even a perceived one that felt real! What evidence do you have that you can get the results you want? In your experience and past there will be examples of how you have overcome adversity, gained results when no one else could (or thought you could!) and succeeded. So although you may sit there scratching your head thinking “aaa I can’t think of any Mandie” I bet you the moon on a stick you could find the evidence if you needed to. And here is the thing….you do need to! Because if you don’t you are agreeing to enabling that perceived threat to turn into a fear that will damage your success. So it’s suddenly seems easier to list the occasions that you overcome threats in the past right?
- If it is a real threat, then how will you ensure you don’t encounter it again? Threats real or perceived need to be understood. By doing this you have skills for the future that make your chances of success higher (why do you think people work with coach’s for years? It’s so they can ensure they are always working on the real threats and extinguishing the imagined ones!) What procedures do you need to put into place to ensure you don’t encounter this threat to your success again? This can be anything from scheduling time to deal with X to ensuring I network twice a month to stop myself from becoming isolated. Remember no one need know what actions you plan, however your success will appreciate the helping hand in dealing with the negativity that aims to damage your success. So plan today!
Facebook Freshen Up For Success
Here Katie Ives from On The Button shares her top tips for cleaning up your Facebook to make it more streamlined, easier to use and get results. Katie is an Affiliate so you can also access discounts to work with Katie because you are an Insider. Just make sure you let her know. Learn more here – I asked a panel of volunteers what their biggest frustration on Facebook was.
They all had the same reply…
“cutting through all the noise and drama and just seeing what interests me”.
So if you fancy a good ol’ fashioned spring clean, here are 10 things you can do right now!
- Put your friends into lists
Interest Lists are a simple organisational tool to keep everyone in a more effective order, giving you speedy access to only the posts you want to see.Set them up by scrolling down the left side of your home page and clicking on “Interests”. Here you can name them and set them to private. When you want to engage with a certain group or person, going to that list gives you access to JUST their posts, saving you the time of scrolling through your busy newsfeed to find them. HERE are some ways we use them on Twitter.
- Use groups
Join groups of like-minded people to get involved and have meaningful discussions that interest you. Groups are a great way to show your expertise and add value but also find people like you.Search for groups by subject in the top search bar and then, to narrow down your search, click the “Group” tab across the top.If you have a group that you don’t like, sucks your energy or nothing happens in, delete it and replace with a new one.
- Unfollow, Unfriend, Categorise
Unfollow people to NOT see their posts in your feed. Why unfollow and not unfriend you ask? Some of these may be your family or close friends. People who would notice if you unfriended them, but whose posts…..well…..let’s just say we all have relatives.
Unfriend people you don’t like or don’t interact with. Every now and then you need a good clear out.
Categorise friends into close friends or acquaintances for neat and tidy lists
You can do all of the above by visiting the person’s profile and clicking the drop down arrow next to the “Friends” button OR click on the drop-down arrow in the top right corner of someone’s post and click “Unfollow”.
- Prioritise news feed preferences
Yes, it’s an actual thing!
Click the teeny tiny arrow in the top-right corner of your Facebook.
Click “News Feed Preferences”
Here you can “Prioritise who to see first” and “Unfollow people to hide their posts” and more.
- Don’t let Facebook decide for you
Facebook uses an algorithm to learn your likes, dislikes and behaviours. They then use this to tailor the content they show you and present it to you in the format of “Top Stories”. To change this newsfeed default setting, find the “News Feed” drop down arrow in the top left corner of your home page and click “Most Recent”.
- See your favourite people first
As well as weeding out the bad you can also fill your newsfeed with all of your favourite positive peeps. To do this go to their profile and click the “Follow” button. Then click “Show in newsfeed first”. This person’s posts will now be at the top of your feed when you log in.
- Tell Facebook when something annoys you. Grrrrr.
Facebook are always tailoring your experience for you. Don’t resist it, give them a helping hand. When you see a post you don’t like simply click the drop down arrow in the top right and click “Hide post”. Facebook will now show you fewer posts like this. Be careful not to click “Report” though. Unless it is offensive or against Facebook terms you may just start upsetting people unnecessarily.
- Annoying requests? Block them!
Hate the super annoying game and event requests? Have a friend that constantly adds you to groups or group messages? Simply go to your settings, click “Blocking” and you can block pretty much anything you want from whomever you want.
- Don’t interact with them
See point 5. Use the power of the Facebook algorithm to fill your feed with people you like and not the rest.Do not interact with the annoying people, only click Like, Share and Comment on the uplifting and interesting posts.
- Get told about your faves
If after all this you find newsfeeds are just too annoying in general, and you have a very select few you follow, then simply ask for a notification from Facebook when that person posts. To do this go the person’s profile and from the drop-down arrow next to “Friends” click “Get Notifications”. Facebook will now tell you when your favourite people post.
So, there you have it. Ten different ways to get that newsfeed cleaned up and tailored to your taste. Go ahead and have a good spring clean, I’m off to do mine.
Even Our Corporate Photographers Love Us!
We work hard to support our business women and that is why we created The Insiders so we could keep that level of motivation, support and assistance every day. We also do our best for our venues, speakers and our photographers.
Check out this gorgeous testimonial from Caroline Horne.
Thank you Caroline!
Pick Up The Phone!
Thank you to everyone that asked for this blog article. If you have something you would like to see covered by myself or an Affiliate, please do not hesitate to say, we are here to work together to increase your sales, confidence and ultimately success.
So this article is for all those that hide behind email and hate the phone. I hope it helps. And some of the ideas will match up to the Chapter in my book “Fight the Fear”. However that just proves I know this stuff works and hopefully it will help you too.
Assumptions and Fears
One of the reasons we don’t pick up the phone is because we assume the result we be a bad one, ie;
“They won’t be interested”
“They are too busy to listen to me.”
“They probably already work with someone.”
“I don’t know what to say, and I’m going to make a mistake.”
Thus the first thing I want you to do is work out what assumptions you are making? And so often this ties in with the fears that you allow to play out in your mind. Think of the ones above. Will they really not be interested in saving money, or looking gorgeous, or earning more money? Or is it the case that it is not to do with the person at the other end of the phone that you are worried about, more over you are worried about the person making the call! Take a moment to work out what automatic thoughts you are creating (trust me this is very relevant for the phoning stage!)
Inbuilt Beliefs bullying your success?
If you have inbuilt beliefs that say this will fail and picking up the phone doesn’t work for you then what impact will that have on your ability to make successful phone calls? Just as assumptions and fears will play out in your head if you let them. So will automatic beliefs that you’ve held on to for years. I have worked with lots of people who this applies to, and the good news is that by breaking down these untrue beliefs on what results you will get, they go on to make successful calls. Yes we need the skills too, but skill is very little without the right mindset. So work out what new beliefs do you need to have in your head?
Can you hear me? (Do you want to?)
Are you really choosing the best way to communicate with your target audience by picking up the phone. I know shocking that I should suggest that you don’t phone someone right? But I know for instance for me my target audience like many forms of communication and some just don’t like the phone. Some adore Facebook Messenger. Others like email, others text, the list is getting longer every day. In fact the only thing I don’t get now adays is pidgeon! This great article by Forbes Read it here tells us that certain generations see the phone as intrusive and rude to use when you don’t know someone. And speaking with a business owner yesterday, they felt the same way as the millennials that this tends to apply to. So before you pick up the phone do what I do with clients and grab a big piece of paper and right in the middle in a circle (or a heart or a cloud if that takes your fancy!) Perfect client. Then out from that right things;
Where do they holiday?
How do they spend their evenings?
What hours do they work?
What hobbies do they have?
What matters to them?
How old are they?
Male or female or both (ever noticed how different you answer the phone to your family to your partner? In my experience my hubby can successfully get through a once a month call with his Dad in under 5 minutes, I get on the phone to the same person and I will be speaking for half an hour! To which I always get “I said what needed to be said.” Different people choose to communicate in different ways and not just male and female!
By understanding the dynamics of your perfect clients you are able to ensure that every aspect of your marketing relates to that. And it’s no different when it comes to communicating with potential clients. Remember we talked about follow up strategy in a video Watch again here.
What do I say?
Okay so we’ve finally established you should be on the phone speaking to your target audience, what are you going to talk about?
Top Tip: It’s not just a case of communicating with new customers, its also how you choose to communicate with past customers too. Would they appreciate a call, or would it annoy them? It really depends on your products and services and the way you’ve positioned your company to know what kind of clients you are attracting.
If you intend to phone them and do the full “Show me the Money” Macguire bit, then don’t. I bet right now you are thinking, “of course I wouldn’t do that” however in essence when challenged on what they were going to say most of my clients realise that what they intended to say was heavy on what they would get out of the call and light on what was in it for the recipient of the call. Get you out of the equation and put yourself in your potential clients place. What would they like to hear? What are their needs and pain? And do you ensure that is in your opening lines?
Get permission
If you want to speak with someone always ask something like “Is now a good time or shall I call back at 2pm?” That way you are doing 2 things 1)respecting the fact they are busy 2)making it clear you will be calling back so we might as well agree when. Remember this is not strangers this is people you’ve already started to build a rapport and relationship with. The assumption that you are hassling them greatly impacts on your ability to get permission to speak. Qualify your right to be there.
Should I leave a message?
This is something I get asked a lot and my answer is usually “Don’t do it!” There are a good few reasons, and some of them are;
Many people don’t understand tech or are so busy they don’t reply to answerphone messages. In fact one business owner I know said “if they really wanted to speak to me they will call back.” And that’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Your pattern of a day could differ greatly to others so its important to remember this. Yes you may have called 3 times but was it the same kind of times? If you really have to leave a message ensure you know the purpose of your call (to be useful and helpful) and advise them you will put the information to them in an email and get in touch again. I do feel that you need to know the quality of your lead too. Is it someone being a Facebook Liker who likes everything and doesn’t know how to say with confidence “this it not for me” or is it a genuine lead. If it is a genuine lead then why give up on it? It also relies on you ensuring that when you got their details getting their address and email address is important too. And if you can get them to start engaging with you on social media they can feel like they know you before you even phone them and then they are looking forward to your call! (Trust me this is true for me, one lady this week said “No Mandie, we want to work with you, we feel like we know you already.” That’s your marketing taking the pain out of your phone calls right there!
Love thy gatekeeper
Who ever answers that phone give them complete respect and act as if they are the person you were aiming to speak to. Getting their name means you can do the equivalent of the light arm touch that you see at networking events that makes you seem personable and likeable and that they want the conversation to keep going. If you are not allowed to speak to the person behind the hallowed door, don’t push it. Just find out the preferred way to communicate and make sure its an ask with meaning. Not “How do I get to speak to Mrs X” but “I know Mrs X was keen to speak to us about the money we could say on X” Do you see how different the two are? Make it heavy on why its good for Mrs X to get this message and it not in the sales pile like the rest!
No is good for you
It’s a tiny word and yet so many of us fear it and hate it. (Heck my book got a whole chapter on our inability to say and our fears trapped in this two letter word and its power over our success!) Firstly sometimes no means they weren’t right for you. This is a chance to learn. It could be that if they say no in actual fact you’ve cleared some sales time for genuine clients who won’t turn into Can you Justers who sap your business success. Secondly a no is a chance to learn. May I ask what the reasons are? Remember to aim to not use sentences that start with Why. As a coach we rarely use a question that starts with why because we know that word creates guilt. Try it;
Why did you do that?
or
What are the reasons that you did that?
(These also work on teenagers!)
By understanding why someone is not interested you can understand if it is was you, the time of year (we are too busy right now!) or them. These tell you if you should call them back in 6 months time or look for your perfect client elsewhere.
And last but definitely not least…
No does not mean no for good. Just because someone already has a supplier if you don’t phone back and have a great follow up strategy that keeps in touch, when that supplier lets them down they won’t be able to remember you. On the other hand if you are building a relationship with that person and that company then timing can be everything. I’ve had people request to work with me after 9 years! It was because I kept in touch in a way that suited my clients that I gained the business. So remember a no today does not mean a no tomorrow!
And just to over deliver on this article;
Where do you make your calls. I’m a pacer with a pad and pencil half way around the route! That way as they say relevant phrases or words I can make a note and ensure I use them in my conversation back to them. This is again an over the phone way of doing what we do face to face. It’s mirroring. That is why when a new client says they’d like to work on the phone with me, so they can hide a bit. I always tell them if anything you tell me more over the phone between your words than you do in person, because in person we are on guard for these things! So how can you use their words powerfully to help you get the results you want. And consider where you make your calls. Are you out of breath? Are you relaxed? Is the lighting good? Are you distracted by a pile of invoices or a pile of washing? Get rid of distractions and get your head in the game. And if all else fails remember this (and I have used this on a client and then declared that I was always only joking and would never do it!) If I was to say to you that if you don’t make phone calls and bring in new business you were going to die by the end of the day, would you do it? You see it’s not that you can’t do it, its just you’ve not added a strong enough reason why!